Being Too Sensitive

Did you ever consider the possibility that calling someone too sensitive is you being sensitive? Sensitive to your feelings and perhaps insensitive to theirs? Empathy is not about who’s right or wrong. Empathy is having the intuitive and emotional intelligence to perceive the other’s feelings, without judgment of whether they have the right or not to feel what they feel, or to think and say it, even if you believe they are overreacting. And the truth is, they might even be overreacting. That’s just human. We all do that sometimes, and it can often reveal something about what’s going on in our head and heart. Sometimes we carry the pains and traumas of our past and we’re not always able to share them or unload the burden and be free from it, so we react in various ways. In the end, everyone is trying to be understood. There’s nothing more reassuring than feeling understood, when someone looks past the surface of your reaction and emotions and understands you at the root. And there’s nothing more invalidating than when someone dismisses your feelings and reactions and stops at the surface. You feel like you’re not seen. It’s scary, scarier than we might realize or admit. We’re creatures built to connect with one another. Empathy is part of our nature, and in fact, everyone is sensitive. We all react. We react to people’s reactions. We call them too sensitive maybe because we’re sensitive about them overreacting on us and making us feel like we’re the bad guys, which of course is a shitty feeling. So on either side there can be feelings that are hurt, and a sense of wanting to be seen and understood. On both sides there can be a buildup of resentment because of feelings that are not understood, which creates a deeper divide. It takes empathy and awareness of our thoughts and emotions as well as others’. It takes courage. The wisest and bravest among us are capable of being honest and vulnerable enough to say “this hurts my feelings'', or to simply acknowledge their feelings regardless of right or wrong. It’s not easy. Looking at your feelings can feel as scary as bungee jumping. I feel the inner journey is a lot more challenging and daunting than extreme sports. Think of skydiving. Scary? Oh yes. Now think of another kind of diving - diving into your own past, your anxieties, your doubts, your traumas, your self-image, self-worth, your relationship with your parents, every judging word you’ve ever been told. Imagine plunging and confronting all that. Tell me which is scarier. 

So of course, we’re all sensitive. We all overreact. We all struggle with our feelings and thoughts, because we’re all human. If you can make empathy your guiding principle in dealing with people, their sensitivities and reactions, you’ll notice a shift in perspective within you, a more peaceful outlook and state of mind. That includes showing empathy with your own shortcomings. We’re all learning and growing.